If somebody came to me and told me six months ago that I would have completely transformed my life for the better and fell in love with health and fitness, I likely would have laughed hysterically to the point of tears.
As a younger person I remained active in the sense that my mum never drove so we walked everywhere – to school, to the shops, to friend’s houses. I participated in weekend netball and in physical education classes/ sport at school , however I was never one of the kids doing cross country or intensive sports throughout the year.
Moving along to high school, I still walked to and from school every day and walked to my afternoon job at Woolworths after school however the sport had soon died off and the only physical activity I was doing was walking – which let’s face it, is better than nothing.
With the added disposable income I was getting from my job and being around the shops more frequently, I found myself indulging in convenient, yummy foods. Around this time, my friends and myself began getting our licenses to drive cars – so there goes my only form of physical activity!
Once I got my license and turned 18, the weight very slowly crept on. I was always the “bigger” friend of my group – I am 170cm tall and have never been petite, rather have always had more solid legs and broader shoulders than most of the other girls. I was not necessarily overweight at this time, however the consumption of alcohol and takeaway foods were bound to catch up at some point. I occasionally went to the gym, however would only go on the treadmill for around half an hour and call it a day. My job at Woolworths and working as a student nurse on placement was keeping me on my feet throughout the days, however no other physical activity was taking place.
It wasn’t until I moved 2000 km from home to Far North Queensland for my graduate year of nursing that I noticed a massive difference in my weight. It was at this point that full time shift work was my entire life. I had left my friends and family at home and had recently ended a relationship soon after relocating, so besides work I was feeling quite lonely. Thankfully, for my mental sanity, I found a lovely group of friends at work and we all began spending our free time together. This involved going out for meals, coffee & cake dates, nights of drinking – and don’t forget those drunken meals after a night out. My job as a nurse was very active and always spent on my feet, however the foods I was consuming were adding up and my weight was gradually going up. My clothes were getting tighter. It got to the point where all my clothes I had bought with me from home would no longer fit and I found myself buying the next size up. Leaning over to tie up shoelaces began to get harder as I found it difficult to breathe – not to mention the pain of tight pants around your stomach while sitting.
I know I was very ignorant about the amount of food and drink I was consuming on a daily basis, and I was very much in denial when I had to request larger uniforms at work…
Don’t get me wrong – those days were some of the best days of my life and I wouldn’t change a thing. I was given immense love and support by these new friends who kept me distracted when I was in times of need and I will cherish our memories for the rest of my life. However looking back now, I know exactly where I went wrong.
A hungover day (the day spent wallowing in self pity on the couch after a big night out drinking) would consist of a whole Dominos pizza, an entire Dominos garlic bread, the most part of a 1.25L bottle of Coke, whatever chocolate I had lying around the house, maybe some chicken nuggets too? It is terrifying to think back on – the amount of calories I was consuming in one sitting. Not to mention the amount of calories I would have consumed the night before – shots, cocktails, spirits with soft drink mixers, then finish off the night with a large Big Mac meal with extra nuggets and a Coke.
I was taking part in this sort of behaviour a couple of times a week – not to mention the foods I was eating at work or at home because they were easy and convenient. Living alone, I could never be bothered to cook meals as I was eating by myself so I typically opted for takeaways, sushi, frozen meals etc. When I was at work on shift I was consuming anything convenient that I could easily take to work – typically leftover takeaway, in addition to pieces of white toast lathered with Nutella or jam as it was in the break room. Not to mention, as a nurse you are typically bombarded with the kindness of patients and their families in the form of chocolates. So. Many. Chocolates. And look, I will never complain about free chocolate – but balance is definitely key. I would just keep eating until I was bored with eating. I had zero cares about my intake or what I was putting in my mouth.
At this point I had gained around 10 kilograms in less than a year so I was feeling very down about myself and quite self conscious. I met a guy in FNQ and we started dating, and although he wasn’t particularly nice to me I felt grateful that he showed me attention. It was a few months later that we moved 2000 km together back to my home town as I had been offered a new job. Over the course of 18 months we lived together and the weight gain got out of control. I was cooking hearty meals for us nearly every night, in addition to large desserts every night after dinner. He loved a drink or 6, so we quite frequently would be at the pub consuming large meals and alcohol. He had no regard for health or fitness, and while I know that my weight gain was absolutely not his fault, I felt so comfortable in our relationship that I lost all sense of care when it came to my appearance.
I was at a very low point with myself. I physically couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror, I refused to allow my family to take photos of me, and I became a complete recluse – I would go to work, come home and that was it. I didn’t want people to see me and see how badly I had let myself go. My boyfriend at the time was completely awful, and through his actions made all my insecurities so much worse. Our relationship began to fall apart and we made the decision to go our separate ways.
Towards the end of our relationship I was at rock bottom. There was no where else for me to go – I was depressed, overweight and heart broken. It wasn’t until one day I was at the grocery store and the local gym in the complex had a sign out the front where they were offering a deal with no fees to join. I decided to take a leap of faith and joined my local gym where I met my incredible Personal Trainer, Helen. Helen was the beginning of my journey to better myself and to bounce back from my recent troubles.
It was honestly a light bulb moment – it just switched on and ever since I have never felt so motivated or passionate about my health. My date was the 3rd of September 2018. That is when I met Helen, I made the decision to start tracking my food on My Fitness Pal & started weighing everything I eat with a food scale.
Over the next few months, the weight just fell off and to this day it still is. I am consistent 90% of the time and I have completely changed my life to adapt to my new lifestyle. Might I just add, I still enjoy an icecream every single night for dessert – and no, it’s not low fat!
I have finally found a way to lose weight that does NOT involve starving yourself or restricting entire food groups. It is otherwise known as Flexible Dieting and it is going to be my approach to food and weight loss for the rest of my life.
I still think to myself that this can’t be real – I never thought I could have come back from my weight gain or my heart break. I am still working on mending my mind and soul, however having my confidence back is one thing I am so grateful for!
I aim to continue writing on my blog – it is amazing how good I feel writing this out loud even if nobody will ever read it. While it is daunting to open yourself up and show your wounds to others, I definitely found inspiration from others when I was at my lowest who shared their motivational stories.
I am always more than willing to chat, please feel free to contact me if you have any questions!
xxx
RN Health Diary 